Would you believe that I actually found myself lecturing her, as if I've had 10,000 years of relationship experience? Damn it. When I see a distressed female, I start talking like a grandmother.
Hmm. I'm not going to write about her heartbreak. I'll talk about my own.
On my last post, I wrote about #handsometaipeiguy and how I was too shy to do anything. Well, a quick update-- I actually managed to find him on Facebook (I had help!), but please don't get too excited, because.. Just because. Anyway, I had a few hours of self-assessment as to why I found myself in an extremely uncharacteristically shy state. The reason was really simple, but maybe I was just in denial at that time. I was scared, simply because I was hurt before.
In the summer of 2014, I met someone at a wedding. For simplicity's sake, let's call him Checkered Man. I first saw him outside the chapel, and because I couldn't really approach him or what, I prayed a little bit, and reassured myself that if I was meant to meet him, I will. Hours later, I was having a discussion with my very popular uncle, and it turns out, Checkered Man was part of his staff. So I met Checkered Man. It felt really perfect, almost serendipitous. So months passed. He had to move to New York to get his Master's Degree. Because I found him on Facebook early on, and I actually had his email address, I pretty much messaged him about three times a week or so. I'd tell him stories of this and that. I didn't always get replies, but I think at one point, he said that he found my emails entertaining, and that he couldn't reply, only because he couldn't find the time. Of course, I was fine with it.
Until one day, I got a text message from Checkered Man's sister. It was easily the worst text message I've ever gotten in my entire life. It started with "Hey Corine, my brother's girlfriend...", it contained the word "bothersome", and it ended with me in tears. I sent him an angry e-mail afterwards. I wasn't even sure if it was the mature thing to do, but in my head, I felt that I had to be honest-- I told him that I wish that he himself had informed me that he didn't want me to talk to him anymore, rather than having him tell his girlfriend to tell his sister to pretty much get rid of me. I never got a reply, and he blocked me on Facebook and Instagram. I was just angry for about a year and a half. It even drove me to crazytown each time I'd see him on my (new) Facebook account's People You May Know tab. REALLY. It was horrible.
Fast forward, 2016. I don't deal with males the same way anymore. I had one crush in April-- I slipped a note in his backpack before I left his country the next day. He was really nice when we chatted again on WhatsApp, and he told me that he was flattered, but he already had someone else in mind. He was really nice, though, and well.. I would always think of him as an awesome friend, no wait.. A bro, actually. :) ..but you know what, I wish Checkered Man gave me the same courtesy as my Singapore crush did. I guess there really are no valid generalizations when it comes to how men react.
..and now, SHY SHY SHY. Like I've said before, shyness is uncharacteristic of me, but I guess that once you've experienced something as horrible as what happened with Checkered Man, it changes you. Suddenly, you're no longer your spontaneously bold and brave self. You're cautious to a fault. You're afraid to say hi. You exaggerate every little thing. You overthink. Because you're scared. That's what happened to me. I'm not exactly sure how I'll act on attraction anymore because I've been burned pretty badly.
I'm not sure about anything anymore, and it's from one reason, and one reason only--
I've been hurt before. :(
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