MAKE ME UP (before I lose my mind).

It's been three days short of a month since the semester started (my oh my, where did the time go?), and since then, I haven't been feeling much like myself. I've been so sleepy, so hungry, and so tired. I've been sleeping a good number of hours, I've been eating well, and I've been getting what I believe is enough rest; but it's like there's this inner tiredness that's just eating me up.

I've been feeling rather bitchy. Oh bitchy. What an ugly, yet so vague, word. If I'm going to trash-talk anyone, including myself, in what let alone is my own space, I think I can afford to be actually act like an educated person by actually being descriptive. Okay, here's the thing-- I've been feeling vile, unpleasant and downright mean.

My emotions have been so unstable, that just last week, I cried while Dr. San Luis was asking me about one of my cases. I also happened to be extra moody when Justin, the Clinicians' Club President, tried to cheer me up when I was frustrated that a patient couldn't make it. Even my Clinic I chairmate had to suffer my meanness after I scolded her because of monitor duties. SERIOUSLY, the stressed-out me isn't a person I necessarily like. I somewhat feel like I'm getting eaten up by a terrible hormone-monster, and that if I don't feed myself with mega-doses of love an happiness, I would just crumble from the inside.

I know that this is a very lame attempt at "cheering myself up", but tonight, I decided to a little bit of pampering. I haven't been doing a lot of fun things lately, so I guess this is a good start to my "regaining" my sense of self (so deep).

New make-up!

I've been all about the department store brands (some people call them drugstore brands) lately. My favorites being L'Oreal and Maybelline. I know I don't really talk about the department store brands so much, but I love them as much as the next guy girl. While yes, there will be hits and misses, we can talk about them some other day.

I ran out of my Maybelline Super BB Cream just a few days ago, so I decided to try the L'Oreal True Match BB Cream today. I was rather iffy about it because it only comes in one shade. Seriously, one shade! I'm your typical Southeast Asian with typical Southeast Asian skin, so you could really understand why this worried me a bit. Of course, I tried it on, and while it did turn out well, I've yet to actually perform a road test. 

I also bought myself a really interesting brow kit, Fashion Brow from Maybelline. It has three pans-- one wax, and two powders. Apparently it's a brow and nose palette. Hmm. Interesting.

I also got myself a pot of Maybelline Eye Studio Color Tattoo 24HR in the shade Inked in Pink. I know that I have too many eyeshadows, and too many eyeshadow palettes, but I like to believe that this one's special. I want something that I can wear to school without looking or feeling too made-up. I've gone to school in full-on eyeshadow in the past, and it wasn't exactly pleasant. I want something quick, light, but rather pronounced. Oh you know what, I was actually initially eyeing a MAC Paint Pot, but um. No thanks.:)

I tried on a few eyeliners. All Maybelline or L'Oreal. While I happened to really like them, I somehow managed to stop myself, as I'm only halfway through my current one, and I have another pen eyeliner as backup. The same goes for mascara-- all from my mini-haul in Hong Kong a few months ago. Maybelline and L'Oreal have been stepping up their games, I feel. I think I could even come up with a list of the things I want to try. 

What I won't be trying, however is the Maybelline brow powder in the pen packaging. I tried it on, and it honestly looked and felt like dirt. Well you know, like I said earlier-- hits and misses, hits and misses. 

Oh, guess what-- I also had my eyebrows threaded! I'm simply unskilled with the razor, I'm too much of a wuss to do the job myself with tweezers, and eyebrow waxing scared the hell out of me, so yes, ultimately, brow threading is my way to go.

Really pathetic brow situration :(

I'm not blessed at all with nice brows, but I like to think that I'm doing the best I could.

Oh wait, I just had an epiphany--

I'm not blessed with multitasking skills, but I like to think that I'm doing the best I could.

Okay, I feel better now.:)

Corine Magenta

STRESS.

This week hasn't exactly been the best. While I did have a great start by doing an odontectomy last Monday, the rest of the week has been physically and emotionally (but mostly physically) demanding. I shouldn't be stressing too much over it, because it is the time of the month, and pre-existing medical conditions pretty much send my hormone-associated symptoms on overdrive. I've just been really tired this week, and my oh my. My.

It's been starting to rain here and there. Philippine monsoons typically start in May or June, but this year, it's a little bit late. Considering the fact that it's pretty much wrecking our school schedules, I think we're still blessed as a nation, in general, because at least nothing too horrible has stricken (yet). When typhoons come, classes usually get suspended, and when that happens, school kids everywhere (except maybe dental clinicians) are happy when school gets cancelled, but now that I'm older, I think I've realized how wrong that kind of mentality is, especially when you think about old people who have to use public transportation in the pouring rain.

--and that's exactly why my patient didn't make it today.

Hmm.

School was cancelled at around 12:00NN. My original schedule involved performing intraoral photography on my Complete Denture patient, but since she couldn't make it, I decided to proceed to Plan B, which was actually doing research work. The Chief of Clinics pretty much stopped me, and told me to work on my non-patient procedures, which I happily obliged to.:) I realized that everything works out after all, and I couldn't be happier. I realized that I need to work more on my amalgam polishing skills. I polished three amalgam restorations today, and my clinical instructor only liked one. So yes, I do need to work harder!:)

While I have been able to accomplish most of my goals since the semester started, I'm still a bit sad that I haven't been able to accomplish them all. I know that there are some things that are beyond my control, such as inclement weather, and just yesterday, electric issues at school, but I don't know.. I'm under so much pressure, and whether or not that pressure is self-manufactured, I can't really tell anymore.

Electric issues at school.:(
--and yes, my parents were pretty upset when I told them about it.

This week has been generally stressful, but yesterday was the worst. I don't mean to rant, but the matriculation increased by Php10,000 (which is a lot by Philippine standard of living), and yet something like this happened. I won't even go into the fact that the ceiling was dripping today when it rained. Oh wait, I just did. I love my university, I love my teachers, I love all the things I'm learning-- but why won't the school love me back?:(

My feelings are pretty much on haywire because of my hormone issues, and at this point, it's really difficult to keep myself optimistic. The physical and emotional stress has just been tiring me out.

summary of all my feelings this week

I've been spending more time playing with our dogs this week. On a normal school week, I would have just said quick hellos and whatnot, but this week, I felt like I needed to really hug them as some form or de-stressing. Well, what can I say? Our dogs are amazing.<3

JJ and Me <3

I have a better photo with JJ on Instagram. I took this when I got home from my blacked-out university yesterday. I took a whole series of shots, and only a few of them turned out nicely because we both kept moving.:) Such a sweet dog, this JJ. 

We actually have two dogs, but the other one wasn't really in the mood to play yesterday, so he didn't get to take pictures with me and JJ by the pool.

Oh, I got new specs yesterday. I'm actually supposed to be a glasses-wearer, but with every pair of glasses, there'd always be something unsatisfactory about it.. Frames would break, or the lenses wouldn't work for me for very long. My last refraction was more than a year ago, and when the optometrist I went to yesterday checked me again, she noticed that the reading for my right eye was completely off from my previous prescription. It's okay though, because this new prescription is perfect.

Snoe and Me!

It took me a while to actually select which frame I wanted. I would have gone for a half-rimmed frame, but since my left lens was so thin, it wouldn't have been the best option for me, because then the lens would easily break-- and there's no way I'd be okay with breaking a multicoated lens. 

Oh, fun fact, by the way-- when I was starting to enrol for college at CEU, I chose Dentistry as my first choice program, and Optometry second, but that was almost completely random, I could have written Optometry first and Dentistry second. If I had gone into Optometry, I still would have been just as happy about it.. but of course, if I had gone into Optometry, I wouldn't be the same person. Believe me.

I'm just happy that this week has ended. I intend to rest really well this weekend.:)

MAKE-UP for When You Feel Like a Haggard Mess.

The first few days of school are always the hardest. I'm not exactly talking about the academic side of things, because at this point of the semester, syllabi are geared towards introductions more than actual hard stuff. I say that the first few days of school are like this because it's usually at this point in time wherein we have to train ourselves to get used to new routines, new policies, new schedules and other stuff.

I'm really okay with change. The adjustment part is just a little bit tricky.

Speaking of change, I'm trying my best to start my day earlier. I'm really not a morning person, so yes, this is a challenge. I also haven't been sleeping very well since school started, for reasons that I really don't know. It's only been like, what, four days(?), but the sleeping hours reduction has been taking its toll on my body, in a sense that my digestion hasn't been at its best, my brain has been feeling foggy, my skin has been horrible, and I'm not as emotionally resilient as I should be, especially when my patients can't make their appointments. I FEEL LIKE A ZOMBIE, REALLY.

You know how they say that beauty should come from the inside? Well, is there anything really wrong with fixing up the outside, when the inside is a haggard mess?

I used to do my make-up before leaving the house, but now, since I'm trying to get to school as early as I can, I've been foregoing make-up, and just leave it for when I have free time (at school). The thing is, I put make-up on to feel better about myself, especially when I need a little bit of internal cheering up-- and yes, today was one of those days.

My patient wasn't able to make it, because something came up. I didn't book a patient for the afternoon, and with my morning suddenly freeing up, I really didn't have anything to do.

I've been developing these really ugly eye bags. This isn't the first time I've had fewer-than-normal hours of sleep, but it is one of the first few times that I've actually had legit eye bags, in spite of my eyes puffing up every now and then. Now, I actually have the bags.

NEW RULE-- Look like be a haggard mess all you want,
but never stop looking for reasons to smile.

The worst part is that the bags are more obvious when I smile. Goodness.

I know you've seen these products time and time again, but the reason why I reach for these over and over is that they're really good. The products here are geared more towards skin care than actual beautifying. In this look, it's more about looking more awake, while nourishing the skin with all the good stuff.

very basic, really.

At this point, I'm really trying not to overload my face.

The real hero of my make-up is the NYX Full Coverage Concealer in the shade Yellow. Yes, really yellow. Yellow, because usually eye bags exhibit blue to purple pigmentation, and by virtue of the color wheel, yellow would neutralize the purple eye bags.

I look.. Traumatized.

I've never looked back since I've started applying under-eye concealer in an inverted triangle. It really beats applying it in curved streaks, or even dots. You can't really see the inverted triangle on my skin because the concealer color blends too much into the natural color my skin, but if you look closely over to where my purple eyebags should be, they actually look a little bit better.

--but obviously, you need to set it.

"ready to face the world", yo.

Make-up is such an awesome thing. It's not always about concealing what you really look like, and creating false beauty. Make-up enhances. It's, like, covering up the ugly that distracts from what's naturally beautiful. I started the day looking like a haggard mess, feeling really down about my patient not being able to make it, and after "putting my face on", and finally seeing the girl whom I actually like, I felt so much better. I felt amazing, and yes, feeling amazing just made the rest of my day fall into place. Positivity does wonders, I'm telling you.

Lots of love,

Corine Magenta

Oh wait, if you're wondering about my clinic day, considering that the patient I had scheduled for the day cancelled on the last minute-- I still didn't get my original patient to come, but I did find a new one.. A single CD + RPD patient. See? Everything works out.:)

Lots of love,

Clinician Corine Magenta

Class I Co LIFE LESSONS.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from the last week of the summer term is about self-confidence, in a sense that I should be generous in giving myself chances to improve. I’ve come to realize that in the past, I was being a meanie to myself by keeping that “Okay kiddo, an 80 is the best you can do, you’re never gonna get any better.”—and well, that's just wrong.

from the dentalsourceblog.com --THANK YOU!

During my first year at UPHSD, I was seriously struggling with Class I Co restorations, because the school that I transferred from didn't have that listed as a clinical requirement (at least, during my time), plus, considering that I was mostly out of the clinic on my last year at my old school due to a dark cloud hanging over my head, my manual dexterity was really off. My skills were underdeveloped as they were and they were stunted.

We have about 3 Class I Co (Amalgam is a completely different story) requirements in a clinic level-- 3, or 2, sorry, I really couldn't remember. When I started working with Co restorations, I was in Clinic II (second out of four clinic levels-- I completed Clinic I at my old school), and at that time, very special circumstances allowed me to do all the Class I Co's that I can, and to just have them credited over to the next clinic levels. 

I think know I tested my instructors' patience when I was working on my Class I Co's then. I did Co work on typodonts in the past, and did pretty well then, but it felt really different on live patients, and I was pretty much radiating I have no idea what I'm doing-vibes here, there, and everywhere, and it really did transcend to the restorations I was doing. My instructors taught me how to fix my mistakes, but it still didn't change the fact that on my own, my restorations were disastrous. My restorations were so bad, that I even had grades of 80-84. Because I seriously didn't think that I could ever improve, I decided to get those grades encoded. When something's "encoded", there's no turning back, you're stuck with that grade forever. Eventually, I was able to redeem myself. The last restorations have been earning grades ranging from 88 to 94, and while they've been encoded, my previous lower grades have already dragged them down. 

The other day, I performed four Class I Co's, and yesterday, three-- all on the same patient, but because I've already maxed out the Class I Co's that could be graded, these seven restorations don't bear credit anymore. In every essence, I did them for free, but it's fine, because doing them was part of my Prosthodontics treatment plan, and I had fun doing them anyway. When I had yesterday's work checked, my instructor said that my work was "pretty". I was really happy that I still had my face mask on, or else she would have seen my idiotic ear-to-ear smile.:) --Yup, I was that happy.

I no longer dared to ask what my grades would have been if my work had been creditable, but I think having my work described as pretty was enough.

So here's the thing-- Just because you're horrible at something today, it doesn't mean that you'll always be horrible at it. Before you can make other people believe in what you have to offer, you have to believe first. Allow yourself to grow, don't hinder yourself from being a better version of yourself. 

It's all gonna be okay. <3

MONDAZED.

I've been going through a few tummy issues. It started last Wednesday, paused over the weekend, and now it's back! I'm starting to think that my tummy has developed an allergy to weekdays.. Or maybe it just doesn't want to come to school--? Still, the mind and heart are superior to the tummy, both in an anatomical and in an "enlightened zen hipster" sense; therefore, I really had to declare: NOTHING WILL STOP ME TODAY!

I really wanted to give myself a good breakfast today. That would ideally mean having something high in fiber, and/or low in sodium. Unfortunately, when dealing with tummy issues, fiber is not something you'd want hanging around your system.

I decided to have some chicken and potatoes, and then some rice. Carbohydrates, I know! The thing is, I was trying to get as much "binding food" as I can. There's this thing about the BRAT diet, also known as Food for Getting Over An Upset Stomach. B is for bananas, R is for rice, A is for applesauce, and T is for toast. I really wanted to adhere to what the BRAT diet called for, but since there isn't much food variety around campus, I did the best that I could.

--or maybe, I was just looking for an excuse to eat chicken.
Oh my beloved chicken. <3



I went to a restaurant across campus. I know, I know, I know.. It's really odd to be eating alone at a restaurant. Some people say they can't.. but of course, this is me. I can very well get a restaurant table and be comfortable with solitude. The thing is, I always feel constantly surrounded by people, and sometimes, I really crave legitimate me-time.. So that's what I do when I want to be alone-- I go out. And eat.

It's really ironic how someone who claims to be comfortable with solitude to be easily bored at restaurants, but it's my dichotomy. When I go out, I like taking reading materials with me. The whole Dentistry senior thing has just started to sink in, that's why most of the things I read these days have a lot to do with Basic Medical, or Basic Dental subjects. Currently, I'm working on an Anatomy review booklet. I'm actually struggling with Anatomy. I struggled with it in first year, and I'm struggling with it now. I really want to believe in myself, but it's a little bit difficult right now.

I like to think that I made m school day as productive as I possibly could. Well, I was able to start writing my RPD Case Portfolio, so I guess that's something to be proud of. We don't need to come up with stellar results instantly, I feel. We just need to start, and then hope that we don't die.:)