MAKE ME UP (before I lose my mind).

It's been three days short of a month since the semester started (my oh my, where did the time go?), and since then, I haven't been feeling much like myself. I've been so sleepy, so hungry, and so tired. I've been sleeping a good number of hours, I've been eating well, and I've been getting what I believe is enough rest; but it's like there's this inner tiredness that's just eating me up.

I've been feeling rather bitchy. Oh bitchy. What an ugly, yet so vague, word. If I'm going to trash-talk anyone, including myself, in what let alone is my own space, I think I can afford to be actually act like an educated person by actually being descriptive. Okay, here's the thing-- I've been feeling vile, unpleasant and downright mean.

My emotions have been so unstable, that just last week, I cried while Dr. San Luis was asking me about one of my cases. I also happened to be extra moody when Justin, the Clinicians' Club President, tried to cheer me up when I was frustrated that a patient couldn't make it. Even my Clinic I chairmate had to suffer my meanness after I scolded her because of monitor duties. SERIOUSLY, the stressed-out me isn't a person I necessarily like. I somewhat feel like I'm getting eaten up by a terrible hormone-monster, and that if I don't feed myself with mega-doses of love an happiness, I would just crumble from the inside.

I know that this is a very lame attempt at "cheering myself up", but tonight, I decided to a little bit of pampering. I haven't been doing a lot of fun things lately, so I guess this is a good start to my "regaining" my sense of self (so deep).

New make-up!

I've been all about the department store brands (some people call them drugstore brands) lately. My favorites being L'Oreal and Maybelline. I know I don't really talk about the department store brands so much, but I love them as much as the next guy girl. While yes, there will be hits and misses, we can talk about them some other day.

I ran out of my Maybelline Super BB Cream just a few days ago, so I decided to try the L'Oreal True Match BB Cream today. I was rather iffy about it because it only comes in one shade. Seriously, one shade! I'm your typical Southeast Asian with typical Southeast Asian skin, so you could really understand why this worried me a bit. Of course, I tried it on, and while it did turn out well, I've yet to actually perform a road test. 

I also bought myself a really interesting brow kit, Fashion Brow from Maybelline. It has three pans-- one wax, and two powders. Apparently it's a brow and nose palette. Hmm. Interesting.

I also got myself a pot of Maybelline Eye Studio Color Tattoo 24HR in the shade Inked in Pink. I know that I have too many eyeshadows, and too many eyeshadow palettes, but I like to believe that this one's special. I want something that I can wear to school without looking or feeling too made-up. I've gone to school in full-on eyeshadow in the past, and it wasn't exactly pleasant. I want something quick, light, but rather pronounced. Oh you know what, I was actually initially eyeing a MAC Paint Pot, but um. No thanks.:)

I tried on a few eyeliners. All Maybelline or L'Oreal. While I happened to really like them, I somehow managed to stop myself, as I'm only halfway through my current one, and I have another pen eyeliner as backup. The same goes for mascara-- all from my mini-haul in Hong Kong a few months ago. Maybelline and L'Oreal have been stepping up their games, I feel. I think I could even come up with a list of the things I want to try. 

What I won't be trying, however is the Maybelline brow powder in the pen packaging. I tried it on, and it honestly looked and felt like dirt. Well you know, like I said earlier-- hits and misses, hits and misses. 

Oh, guess what-- I also had my eyebrows threaded! I'm simply unskilled with the razor, I'm too much of a wuss to do the job myself with tweezers, and eyebrow waxing scared the hell out of me, so yes, ultimately, brow threading is my way to go.

Really pathetic brow situration :(

I'm not blessed at all with nice brows, but I like to think that I'm doing the best I could.

Oh wait, I just had an epiphany--

I'm not blessed with multitasking skills, but I like to think that I'm doing the best I could.

Okay, I feel better now.:)

Corine Magenta

COFFEE THOUGHTS.

Last week, one of my newest clinician baby sisters, Tricia, very randomly asked me, "Ate, mahilig ka mag-coffee, no?" -- I can't find a 100% direct way to translate this to English for all of you, but it's pretty much like, "(Older female honorific), you like taking coffee, don't you?". She said that she somewhat deduced it after seeing it "somewhere", with "somewhere", possibly being Instagram-- which totally makes all the sense in the world, because my Instagram blurb is "CAFE y MAQUILLAJE", which is Spanish for "coffee and make-up". Yes.

I've had a rather complicated relationship over the past few years. When I was 17 (first year of AAPD), I was in love with coffee; then from when I was about 18.5 about 21, I was going through body image issues, and my habits pretty much put coffee out of rotation. When I was 22, I went through mental health issues wherein I had to take anti-depressants over a period of time, and coffee would have interacted with the medication I was taking-- but it's not like I needed coffee to stay awake anyway, I had my insecurities and death thoughts to help me with that. By the way, that phase has passed, can you believe it? Hooray!:)

I know I really shouldn't be taking so much coffee, because no matter how hard I try to deny it, I still have thyroid disease hanging over my head. Don't worry, I'm not a coffee addict. I'm just an Asian of the Hispanic ancestry type, coffee love just comes naturally.<3

Coffee from a drip bag!
Prepared by the best maid ever.

I have a lot of things to do today, and I have a lot to prepare for the coming week. I'm going to try to spend as little time as possible inside the clinical infirmary to spend more time studying for, and working on my case discussions, simply because I want to just get all the case discussions out of the way, and start all my cases simultaneously, or at least, within days of each other. I feel so thrown off-schedule, in a clinician sense, but I kind of have to remind myself that I purposely but myself on a relatively tighter schedule out of this little thing called paranoia. Everything's going to be fine, I try to remind myself.:)

It feels like I haven't talked to you, my beloved readers (yes, all three of you, hahaha), in ages. Last week was just really difficult. My friend died, school was tough, you know.. Usual stuff. No wait, I take that back. There's nothing usual about having a friend having passed at 26. I'm trying to let it out, but at the same time, I'm trying to catch up with the carousel that will keep turning. I really want to handle my feelings like a mature person, and maybe one day, I'll have enough courage to actually acknowledge my feelings. I know you'll be around for me when that happens, and you know what-- that means the world to me.

I love you, readers. More than you know.:)


Corine Magenta

PS. Do I have a University of North Carolina reader here? I think I do, but as I'm only basing from statistics, I'm not really sure. Please please please, introduce yourself.:) I wanna give you a virtual hug!:)