COFFEE THOUGHTS.

Last week, one of my newest clinician baby sisters, Tricia, very randomly asked me, "Ate, mahilig ka mag-coffee, no?" -- I can't find a 100% direct way to translate this to English for all of you, but it's pretty much like, "(Older female honorific), you like taking coffee, don't you?". She said that she somewhat deduced it after seeing it "somewhere", with "somewhere", possibly being Instagram-- which totally makes all the sense in the world, because my Instagram blurb is "CAFE y MAQUILLAJE", which is Spanish for "coffee and make-up". Yes.

I've had a rather complicated relationship over the past few years. When I was 17 (first year of AAPD), I was in love with coffee; then from when I was about 18.5 about 21, I was going through body image issues, and my habits pretty much put coffee out of rotation. When I was 22, I went through mental health issues wherein I had to take anti-depressants over a period of time, and coffee would have interacted with the medication I was taking-- but it's not like I needed coffee to stay awake anyway, I had my insecurities and death thoughts to help me with that. By the way, that phase has passed, can you believe it? Hooray!:)

I know I really shouldn't be taking so much coffee, because no matter how hard I try to deny it, I still have thyroid disease hanging over my head. Don't worry, I'm not a coffee addict. I'm just an Asian of the Hispanic ancestry type, coffee love just comes naturally.<3

Coffee from a drip bag!
Prepared by the best maid ever.

I have a lot of things to do today, and I have a lot to prepare for the coming week. I'm going to try to spend as little time as possible inside the clinical infirmary to spend more time studying for, and working on my case discussions, simply because I want to just get all the case discussions out of the way, and start all my cases simultaneously, or at least, within days of each other. I feel so thrown off-schedule, in a clinician sense, but I kind of have to remind myself that I purposely but myself on a relatively tighter schedule out of this little thing called paranoia. Everything's going to be fine, I try to remind myself.:)

It feels like I haven't talked to you, my beloved readers (yes, all three of you, hahaha), in ages. Last week was just really difficult. My friend died, school was tough, you know.. Usual stuff. No wait, I take that back. There's nothing usual about having a friend having passed at 26. I'm trying to let it out, but at the same time, I'm trying to catch up with the carousel that will keep turning. I really want to handle my feelings like a mature person, and maybe one day, I'll have enough courage to actually acknowledge my feelings. I know you'll be around for me when that happens, and you know what-- that means the world to me.

I love you, readers. More than you know.:)


Corine Magenta

PS. Do I have a University of North Carolina reader here? I think I do, but as I'm only basing from statistics, I'm not really sure. Please please please, introduce yourself.:) I wanna give you a virtual hug!:)