MAKE-UP for When You Feel Like a Haggard Mess.

The first few days of school are always the hardest. I'm not exactly talking about the academic side of things, because at this point of the semester, syllabi are geared towards introductions more than actual hard stuff. I say that the first few days of school are like this because it's usually at this point in time wherein we have to train ourselves to get used to new routines, new policies, new schedules and other stuff.

I'm really okay with change. The adjustment part is just a little bit tricky.

Speaking of change, I'm trying my best to start my day earlier. I'm really not a morning person, so yes, this is a challenge. I also haven't been sleeping very well since school started, for reasons that I really don't know. It's only been like, what, four days(?), but the sleeping hours reduction has been taking its toll on my body, in a sense that my digestion hasn't been at its best, my brain has been feeling foggy, my skin has been horrible, and I'm not as emotionally resilient as I should be, especially when my patients can't make their appointments. I FEEL LIKE A ZOMBIE, REALLY.

You know how they say that beauty should come from the inside? Well, is there anything really wrong with fixing up the outside, when the inside is a haggard mess?

I used to do my make-up before leaving the house, but now, since I'm trying to get to school as early as I can, I've been foregoing make-up, and just leave it for when I have free time (at school). The thing is, I put make-up on to feel better about myself, especially when I need a little bit of internal cheering up-- and yes, today was one of those days.

My patient wasn't able to make it, because something came up. I didn't book a patient for the afternoon, and with my morning suddenly freeing up, I really didn't have anything to do.

I've been developing these really ugly eye bags. This isn't the first time I've had fewer-than-normal hours of sleep, but it is one of the first few times that I've actually had legit eye bags, in spite of my eyes puffing up every now and then. Now, I actually have the bags.

NEW RULE-- Look like be a haggard mess all you want,
but never stop looking for reasons to smile.

The worst part is that the bags are more obvious when I smile. Goodness.

I know you've seen these products time and time again, but the reason why I reach for these over and over is that they're really good. The products here are geared more towards skin care than actual beautifying. In this look, it's more about looking more awake, while nourishing the skin with all the good stuff.

very basic, really.

At this point, I'm really trying not to overload my face.

The real hero of my make-up is the NYX Full Coverage Concealer in the shade Yellow. Yes, really yellow. Yellow, because usually eye bags exhibit blue to purple pigmentation, and by virtue of the color wheel, yellow would neutralize the purple eye bags.

I look.. Traumatized.

I've never looked back since I've started applying under-eye concealer in an inverted triangle. It really beats applying it in curved streaks, or even dots. You can't really see the inverted triangle on my skin because the concealer color blends too much into the natural color my skin, but if you look closely over to where my purple eyebags should be, they actually look a little bit better.

--but obviously, you need to set it.

"ready to face the world", yo.

Make-up is such an awesome thing. It's not always about concealing what you really look like, and creating false beauty. Make-up enhances. It's, like, covering up the ugly that distracts from what's naturally beautiful. I started the day looking like a haggard mess, feeling really down about my patient not being able to make it, and after "putting my face on", and finally seeing the girl whom I actually like, I felt so much better. I felt amazing, and yes, feeling amazing just made the rest of my day fall into place. Positivity does wonders, I'm telling you.

Lots of love,

Corine Magenta

Oh wait, if you're wondering about my clinic day, considering that the patient I had scheduled for the day cancelled on the last minute-- I still didn't get my original patient to come, but I did find a new one.. A single CD + RPD patient. See? Everything works out.:)

Lots of love,

Clinician Corine Magenta

DAY TWO: Legit Final Year.

It's officially DAY TWO of my legit final year in Dentistry school. I've been in "4th year" on paper for quite some time, but this is actually the first time in a really long time that my clinic level is actually in sync with my actual year level!:) No longer am I "half-3rd year, half-4th year", this time, it's actually legit.:)

I haven't been blogging (here, at least!) for a few days now, and it's because my laptop charger broke down, and since Blogger doesn't have a mobile app, I only blog here when I'm on the computer. I wrote a little about it, and you can read it here!:)

I've been trying to keep myself busy by spending more time with patients, or if not, studying for case discussions. I never really was a stick to a schedule kind of person, so actually following through with plans is fairly new to me. I've kept planners in the past, and still keep one, but what I've noticed is that I allow unaccomplished plans drag everything else down. My goodness, that has got to stop.

my week, so far!

I've started writing on my planner in pencil. By writing in pencil, I could just easily erase whatever plans I'd have to move around. Seeing plans written in pens x-ed out is just depressing, easy erasing just keeps the positive vibes going on. Of course, I'm a legit senior now. I could use every bit of positivity I can give to myself.<3

..

I spent the first session of the day with my Comprehensive Perio patient. We had a little talk about inflammation. I decided to forego prophy today, because I had to re-orient myself first with the new Compre Perio protocol of the clinical division. Aside from that, I've also been feeling the need to modify the treatment plan to include a splint. I still have to consult with the new Perio professor (aka. Perio Dad).

props

My original treatment plan was an ideal one, but sometimes, problems just come seemingly out of nowhere. Conditions initially improve, and then they go the other way. I'm a little bit sad that I have to alter my treatment plan at this stage. I can't help but have these Am I not a good diagnostician? Am I not good, period? Why didn't I see this at the beginning? feelings, but I'm learning, so I probably shouldn't beat myself up about it. The patient's well-being is more important than my ego after all, so that's enough for me to see my treatment plan modification in a positive light.:)

..oh and my patient gave me a donut.<3

THE BATHROOM SITUATION AT MY SCHOOL HAS BECOME RIDICULOUS. 

It's the first year of the government's K-12 initiative, and my university has complied. UPHSD caters to students from pre-school to doctorate levels, and since our university is so tiny, we pretty much share the same space most of the time. Since K-12 has a provision for Senior High, the university had to make space for the new kids. I know it's really shallow to be ranting about this, but I find it really crazy that the university admitted hundreds of new students, but didn't add any new bathrooms. 

Me, at the bathroom near the male-dominated college.
NOBODY ELSE IN THERE!!!!

I know this is too much information, but I peed about eight times today, and only once was I able to successfully pee at the bathroom closest to the College of Dentistry. All the other seven times, I had to go up to a different college's building, or I had to use the bathroom at the auditorium (still another building away). THE BATHROOM IS ALWAYS FULL, AND IT'S CRAZY! I know that we have to be patient with the younger students, but I really don't understand why they use the bathroom as a social hall of some sort. I know that the bathroom is air-conditioned and all, but why would anyone want to stay in a room where people pee?

Hmm.. Okay, what else about my day?

Oh yeah, LUNCH!

You see, I had to buy a new laptop charger yesterday, and I spent so much of my money, and it threw my weekly budget way off. I'm not going to tell everyone how much (more like, how little) money I have in my wallet, but I feel that if I do, people would start asking me if I'm okay.

Well, I actually am okay! My maid packed a nice lunch for me-- paella and carrot cake.

don't worry about the hair on the photo, it was on the table, under the plastic container

I'd say that my home-cooked lunch is the sole positive thing I've gotten from my broke-ness. Well, aside from my new charger. My maid is an awesome cook. Enough said.:)

Oh, I also finally have a Comprehensive Restorative Case patient! I waited really long for one. At one point, I even declared that I felt that the reason why God hasn't given me one yet at that time was that I may have not been ready for it. I have one now, so yay!

"when much is given, much is expected."

Now I have to study, really really, really hard for my case discussion. Like I said, I waited really long to have a Compre Resto patient, that's why I fully intend to give my best preparing for it, and carrying out the treatment. I read Chapter 3 of Cawson's, which is actually a pathology book. I know I probably should have read a restorative dentistry book instead of a patho book, but I wanted to give myself a really good foundation for the treatment that I would (really soon!!!) carry out. 

If I say that I have it in the bag, or that I know the matter by heart, I'd totally be lying. I learned a few new things here and there, so yay, I feel like a winner already.

I wish all days would be like this (but more with more patients, hehe). I have to prepare myself for horrible days, but I need to arm myself with enough optimism to make even the horrible days better. Life is what we make it after all, right?

YEAH.

Corine Magenta.

WAX PATTERN -- disaster?

I spent yesterday afternoon at Prostho Dad's classroom/clinic. I wasn't able to finish my RPD wax pattern before the summer term closed last month, so I have to finish them and get them graded by the first week of the first semester.

#dontbelikeme

The school I transferred from didn't have it as part of the curriculum (they only started teaching it a sem or two after I left), and the school I transferred to does, and grades wax patterns as part of RPD requirements. Yes, it's is safe to say that prior to my opening of an RPD case, I was never taught how to make wax patterns.

It's okay though-- I'm learning!
Take note, learning. Progressive tense, denoted by the -ing.

I had a lot of help from Doc Ice, who schooled me on manipulation of wax. She taught me what to do in case I see any impurities in the wax pattern, how to do this, how to that. I've learned so much! It's not to say that she made a junior expert out of me, but learning from her has somewhat encouraged me to keep trying, to keep going, and to just practice some more. I could just hope to be half as good as her.:)

I should be working on my mandibular wax pattern now. I didn't get to finish it last night, but Dr. Brian said that I'm on the right track. I should be able to progress by myself, but there's part of me that's kind of afraid to try. I'll get back on the horse.. Eventually. :)

La Chocolate Craves.

Over the past few days, I've been craving chocolate-- sweets in general, but mostly chocolate. Cravings like this don't always happen, because more than anything, I'm a savoury person. Under normal circumstances, I'd choose a nice big slab of meat over cake, but I'm currently under an estrogern + serotonin + cortisol shift, and it can only mean one thing...

When under the influence of hormones, a supermarket with a wide variety of sweet snacks is definitely not the correct place to be in (or around, for that matter). Unfortunately, I got sucked in to the chocolate vortex, and then this happened.

I call this my "basket of questionable life choices".

While at the supermarket, getting all these chocolate-based snacks seemed to be correct. I sincerely thought that I could eat all these in one (or maybe two) sittings. I honestly don't know what in the world I was thinking.

I like chocolate with wafers, pops, and cookies inside. What can I do? I like crunchy things! A long time ago, I went through a Choco Mucho Phase wherein I'd seriously eat unspeakable amounts in single sittings. I think I was approximating the border to addiction, but I started running out of money, so I kicked that old habit away, thank goodness! While I still fall into chocolate binges every now and then, I highly doubt I'd ever go back to that very sweet self-inflicted physical abuse ever again. Haha.

I also came across Ovaltine cookie sandwiches. My impression was that they were like Oreos, except that they're.. Not. 

It's been so humid lately that I haven't exactly been feeling like doing my make-up. Today, I just put sun block on, did my eyes, and stained my lips-- that's all! No blush, no concealer, no no no. Truth be told, I kind of even regretted putting on eyeliner. UGH, so humid.

I took a trike going home. It's one of those public transport vehicles wherein a passenger car is attached to a motorcycle. I live in a large residential area wherein taking trikes is perfectly fine and decent. While taking trikes around my are is rather expensive, it's pretty okay because the drivers adhere to certain policies and safety measures, this and that. Fares from point to point are set, so there's no real threat of overcharging and the like.

I had so much chocolate on me, so I shared some with the trike driver. Dual purpose-- I get to make someone happy, and at the same time, I get to control myself a little bit better.

I got home and got down to business-- CHOCOLATE.

At the supermarket, I was seriously convinced that I'd be able to eat a lot tonight, but I guess I was wrong, because after a few bars, I was full. I'm no longer the Choco Mucho lover I used to be. I got full so quickly that I didn't even have the appetite to eat my Ovaltine sandwiches. See? That's what happens when you're under the influence of hormones-- you think you can eat everything, but you can't. Then you feel defeated. No, I'm just kidding.:) Eating so much chocolate isn't good anyway.

Well, at least now, I'll have something to share with Dr. Brian's daughter the next time I swing by.:)

I've been exploring dental trade as a side thing for a few weeks now. I'm enjoying sending letters of inquiry, looking through price quotations, and talking with sales associates. Now, I promised myself that I wouldn't work this week in order to mentally prepare for the coming semester that starts in a few days, but I can't really get over these burs. I've been periodically looking through a catalogue that one of my overseas suppliers sent me about three days ago, and I'm quite impressed. We'll see how this side thing goes.:)

I started my day a little bit late today, but I think it was productive. I've completed my enrolment for next semester, and I had a mind-opening talk with Dean Alforja. I like to believe that there's no where to go but up. I have a really interesting to-do list tomorrow. I really want to head over to Dr. Brian's for RPD wax pattern mentoring, and while I'm in the city, I should probably go look for the Oral Pathology book I've finally decided to get. 

I hope tomorrow would be as interesting as today was.:)

Magenta Dreamer

UNTITLED, but this is kind of about Oral Pathology books.

"GEE" --SNSD.

(aka. song that won't stop playing in my head)

ERMAIGAHD.

I can't believe I'm LSS-ing over a song that was released seven years ago. SEVEN! You know what kind of human I was seven years ago? A totally different one. I was best friends with a hair straightening iron, I wore 2-inch heels to school all six school days just to show people that I can do it everyday and they can't (seriously, that was my main motivation), and worst of all, I had self-esteem issues that I dealt with improperly. Oh, and I was also a 34B. See? DIFFERENT PERSON.

What hasn't changed, however is the fact that I like textbooks. While there was a time wherein I stopped really reading, my love for textbooks never really changed. It just stopped, but you know.. If it's true love, it would always come back.

I don't even know why I like to read. It's not like I remember much anyway. Haha.

I feel the need to brush up on Oral Pathology. Why Oral Pathology? I feel that it's the subspecialty that could benefit me the most. You see, I can't really imagine my future in Dentistry going anywhere else except for Oral Surgery + Periodontology. There'll be a great deal of pathologic lesions in Oral Surgery, and treatment of these lesions are often more than cut this, don't cut that. I'm (studying to be) a doctor, and I should be better than a snip-snip lady in the face of scary-looking lesions. I know I'm babbling here, but the point is-- I wanna be good. No wait, I wanna be amazing.

The first step to being amazing, I feel, is being well-versed. At this point in my DMD undergrad life, I don't have any more quizzes to take, I don't have syllabi to follow, and I don't have assignments to pass. Clinics aside, I'm free. I can study whatever I want, whenever I want. Yup, Oral Pathology it is.

I'm trying to get a hold of Oral Pathology books. At CEU, where I used to study, the prescribed books for Oral Pathology were (still are? I don't know) those by Shafer, and by Regezi, but because no two books are ever completely the same in ideas, we were always told that if Shafer and Regezi say different things about a certain disease, we would follow what Regezi says. I bought both books. While the idea of having two books for one subject seems really good, it's actually bad when neither of the two are written in a style that one's brain could absorb well. I guess what I'm trying to say is that neither worked for me. Okay, how sad is that?

When my Regezi got soaked from staying close to an open window during the monsoon season, and my Shafer fell apart, I wasn't too sad. You know how they say that one step away from the wrong guy is a step closer to the right guy? Since my Regezi and Shafer mishaps, I decided that the same was true for books. While we're on the subject of cheesy relationship quotes applying to book situations, I also didn't realize that there truly are more fish in the sea, because guess what, in the running for my "breakthrough" Oral Pathology book are three books-- Neville, Ghom, and Cawson.

I was originally choosing between Ghom and Woo (because #Asian, okay?), but after awesome recommendations from my friends, Evit, Roy, and Praveen (who is actually taking his MDS!!), who have been so generous in sharing their thoughts, I've come up with a much better candidate pool. Oh but I think I should probably mention that Woo is expensive. Really expensive.

Gee. So expensive.

Oh by the way, I typed all of that, and I'm still LSS-ing "Gee". Damn you, SNSD. Let me move on. Hahahahahageegeegeegee.





SaveSave

Money, Please.

Today, I wrote to four companies/organizations, asking for money for a little project I want to work on. No wait, that's a lie. I asked them if they give money to people who ask.

See how dangerous boredom is?

I'm trying to justify my giant cranium. Heavily oversimplified from the Functional Matrix Theory by Moss, skeletal growth is dependent on the growth on non-skeletal thingies. Following this theory, I should have a larger-than-average brain, and more brain, more fun intelligence maybe. Hey, what if I'm secretly smart, but just haven't found the correct motivation in life? Or what if my cranial bones are like two inches thick, and I don't really have much of a brain? ..or what if I have a really large brain, but only like.. Three neurons or something? What I lack in intelligence, I think I more than make up for in imagination. Oh well, I digress.

So anyway, I emailed four companies/organizations-- one pharmaceutical company, one organization that loves rice just as much as I do, one organization that loves potatoes just as much as I do, and one local company that I could only describe as one that takes much positivity from the Filipino business culture and marries it with science.

There's another company that I want to e-mail, and it's the one that got me hooked on acid (it's not what you think) in the first place.

"it's not what you think"-acid.

The reason why I haven't e-mailed this company yet is that I'm really nervous. I'm finding myself nervously thinking of what I should say. I could just copy and paste what I said to the other four companies, but no, this one's actually special. I met the president of this company in 2012, after I came up to him after a lecture on acid, and when I told him that I wanted to do my undergraduate thesis on acid, he gave me his business card and said that he might be able to help me. Unfortunately when I was about to do my undergraduate thesis at my old school (along with my group of about 7 or 8 others-- true story), my acid idea was rejected in favor of one that would ultimately become one of the biggest flops of my academic life.

I really don't know what I'm supposed to say when I e-mail the company. Do I go like, "Hello, do you remember me? Sorry for not contacting you in 2012.."? Of course not! I want to have my sh** together when I write that e-mail. Having my sh** together may not exactly be easy, as my life is pretty much going in a downward spiral.

I'm trying to be optimistic, though there really are times when I want to shut all my windows and have charcoal burning inside my room (no don't take it too seriously, I'm just kidding.<3). Maybe this little idea I'm cooking up could save me as a human being, won't that be great-- I get to contribute to periodontology, and I get to stay alive!:) Oh wait, this is getting a little bit morbid, I think I should get back on divalproex sodium. I keep telling myself that everything's going to be okay, I just got stuck in a rut for so long, I think I'm ready to go do what I want.:)

..but first, MONEY!

"I GOT FACEBOOK-CATCALLED!": Harassment on Social Media.

I have a relatively low threshold for what would constitute inappropriate interaction between a male and a female. Things can border harassment really quickly, and I’m the type who turns into a prissy little grandma the second it even approximates the harassment border—and you know what, I don’t even know how I turned out this way.

How do we not get harassed on Facebook? Should we adjust our Facebook settings to exaggeratedly high privacy so that nobody, not even people looking for productive connections could find us and send us messages? Should we stop posting beautiful pictures and witty thoughts, and stifle our creativity? OF COURSE NOT. How to not get harassed on Facebook? Teach those idiots a lesson. It’s as simple as that.

Of course, I can’t really preach without doing, right? Well, I did.

A few days ago, I got messages from a Lance Murillo, saying “Hi”, and later, “Gudmorning” (Good morning). Of course, I found it pathetic. 

Sketchy since 2011.

I checked to see who our mutual friends are, and then I found that we only had one—a girl from one of my lower batches at my old school. I actually did message her to ask who this Lance Murillo is, but I simply did not get a reply. She could be busy, you know. Apart from us having just one mutual friend, I also found out that this guy was already at the random messaging as early as 2011, but the thing is, on October 21 of 2011, it was the middle of the semestral break, and on that exact date, I was in Singapore. I didn't know him then, I still don't know him now.

"Take care always"? Don't tell me what to do.

..and then he messaged me again, this time also telling me to take care. I reported him to Facebook, because I’m guessing that to someone like him who radiates vibes of small-mindedness, nothing could be scarier than receiving a warning (and a potential suspension) from Facebook, but for the thrill of standing up for myself, I decided to go on full-on catfight mode.

I was very much on extreme catfight mode that I even made a typographical error.
Let's see if you can spot it.:)

Apparently, he wanted to make friends with a beautiful girl like me. Um, no. First of all, what kind of loser looks for friends based on physical attributes?  Harassment, yo.

In the age of tech-savvy millennialism (we rule the world from the comfort of our own bedrooms, deal with it), it’s greatly appreciated when people use social media to spread awareness for certain causes. Well, blog-writing is my superpower, so I decided to use it. I’m really iffy about using the word threat. Did I really threaten him that I’d write about him on my blog, or did I just inform him, albeit vaguely, that I would?

Oh wells.

I wanted to send him another message, but when I was about to hit send, I was informed that he wasn’t able to receive messages from me. Whether it’s because of the Facebook report I filed a few minutes earlier, or if my “friend” decided to block me after I very nicely informed him that he’d be featured on the blog, I really don’t know. 

I don’t know if I should be proud of how I handled that situation.

I’m all about female empowerment, at this day and age, we can’t really allow males to treat us however they like. You wouldn’t want random men messaging your girlfriend, your sister, or your mother that way, so why would you talk to a woman that way? I’m in no position to talk about gender sensitivity, but being at the receiving end of gender insensitivity, I think I’m allowed to say that it doesn’t feel good at all. I want to contribute, even just a little bit, to teaching harassers a little something about respecting women, offline and online.

With a post like this, two things could happen—it could stay silent, just like all other posts I’ve ever made, or it could make rounds. If anyone wants to fight with me on the Facebook comments section, I hate to break it to you, but I’m rarely ever on Facebook anymore, so please just do it on Twitter. There’s also a chatbox, as well as a Contact Me form on the right hand side of the blog home page, you can fight with me there.:)

Miss WRITE.

I love to write. Oh of course you know that.

Currently, there's this one thing I really want. It's an academic-related co-curricular thing that I really really want. Unfortunately, the first time I went for it, I didn't get it. The problem was me not having access to resources. My goodness, you don't know how much it upset me.

I've been feeling angry, but I'm not even sure to whom I should be angry with, or if I should even be angry at all. Sometimes I feel that when it comes to this very specific endeavor, nobody understands. Nobody understands why it's so important to me, and I'm not exactly making it easier to be understood. I'm somewhat tortured by this really bizarre cocktail of emotions, and honestly, I'm drowning. I know it's not exactly the most correct way to go, but it's almost like pain is a motivator, and it's doing its job pretty well.

Today, I signed up to join an international organization. I'm not going to talk about it here on the blog just yet. Why? because Cinderella, that's why.

I've yet to pay my association dues (oh look, I actually have association dues now), plus division membership fees, here and there. Quite expensive, I'm not even sure I can pay for all of it immediately, but once I do, I'll have membership to that organization, a division membership, print materials, and participation to three scientific groups that I've chosen for myself. I'm aware that this won't necessarily be my so-called stepping stone, but I want this very much, and when you're really adamant about something, you can't ever really know too much.

One of the funnest parts of my membership application was getting to choose my scientific groups. I had to join one network, and had the option of choosing two more. Of course, choosing my first scientific group was easy-- Periodontology. Don't get me wrong, I'm more of an Oral Surgery girl, but when it comes to reading and writing, Periodontology would be up in my wheelhouse.

Choosing my next two networks is both being easy and difficult at the same time. I only have two spaces to fill, but I'm contemplating among six-- Oral & Maxillofacial Surgery, Oral Medicine & Pathology, Microbiology and Immunity; Behavioral, Epidemiologic & Health Services Research, Cariology Research, Oral Health Research. I want to take the bloody road and go with Oral & Maxillofacial Surgery, and then Oral Medicine & Pathology; but I want Cariology Research too, which I would pair with Salivary Research. Oh my.

My goodness, I just want to write!!!

Corine Magenta

How to Look Miserable.

I came to a really painful realization today-- burgundy lipstick ages me. I look about three years older in burgundy lipstick than I do in pink lipstick, and I don't like it at all. I've been made aware that when you have a lip color that strong, you have to keep the rest of the face really bare-- but when the sales associate told me to go "bare", I thought he was just telling me skip the eyeshadow and the blush. I didn't think that it meant foregoing everything else. I really want to pull off burgundy lipstick (I really do!), but I'm just having too much fun with eyeshadow and eyeliner, that I feel that I'd be adjusting my make-up routine just to accommodate this lip color.

I feel like burgundy lipstick is too sexy for me, for now at least. I look like a vamp. I've come to realize that if you take a tiny face with a giant forehead, large eyes and chubby cheeks (like features you'd expect to see in a small child), and paint it with really vampy colors, you get a certain look -- a miserable look. If you want to experiment, or if you simply want to force someone into organ donation, let me show you how I managed to color my face up to look miserable.

For a miserable person, I look awfully happy.

I've only recently learned to line my lower lash line. For the longest time, I've only been doing the upper lash line, and it's always been liquid since the day I've decided to give up on gel eyeliner completely. I'm actually really enjoying lining the lower lash line, but for that I'd use a pencil liner. I know it seems rather daunting to have to use two eyeliners for one eye, but that's what works for me.

I haven't been rocking the lower lash lining for very long, and to be honest, I'm still experimenting, but now I've learned that it doesn't look good without eyeshadow. Truth be told, I kind of look like a picture on a coloring book. Goodness, it's so awkward. For a similar look, I think I would just skip lining the bottom lashes.

I forewent blush and highlight. I just used my Maybelline Super BB Cream and then Maybelline Dream Satin Foundation on top, and then that's it! ..but you do know that if my lip color would be more on the fresh and neutral side, I'd totally jazz my cheeks up, riiight?

While we're on the subject of misery and negativity, let me share a few of my mistakes. You know, things I shouldn't do again.

Lipstick is almost always the last thing I put on when I do my make-up, so there shouldn't really be any reason for me to screw up my make-up beginning Step 1, but I guess having a new make-up look hanging over my head made me lose it a bit. I've been trying to improve my make-up technique, but oh well, screw-ups happen.

I don't know if you can see it, but there's this foundation demarcation going off to my hairline. I've recently learned a technique for graceful blending, but I just neglected applying it. Foundation should actually taper off towards the hairline. On a positive note, I've been using make-up sponges more now than ever before-- I used to be a stippling brush kind of girl, but after my friend gave me a Real Techniques Miracle Complexion Sponge, I think I'm a changed woman. 

I've been using the middle shade of the Inglot Freedom System 112R Eyeshadow as a brow powder for quite some time now. I know it's a bit weird that I'm using an eyeshadow as a brow powder, but you know what?-- it actually performs well. My only problem is the technique, because sadly, I have a tendency to overdo, and my oh my, I overdid it today. 

Oh yeah, and I might need to change my brow color as well.

My skin has been exhibiting some red discoloration, possibly because of the heat as well. Having to deal with that, as well as a red-based lipstick calls for brows that are a little bit on the yellow side. My go-to brow color has too much red in it. I should probably rotate first.

Oh well, mistakes happen. Make-up fails happen. I'm having a lot of fun experimenting with make-up looks every now and then, as I feel that doing so helps define my so-called make-up personality. There are so many facets to people, I should say, and one make-up look will never really be enough to define a woman's personality. The Miserable Look was quite fun to explore, but I don't think that it's going to be a look I'll be having on very often. We live, we learn, we put on lipstick, and we learn some more. Okay? Okay!

By the way, if you think that I put on make-up just for a lovely afternoon at home, you'd be incorrect. I was actually getting ready to step out of the house and read a Pharmacology booklet, and if you think that I left the house looking like a vamp, you'd be incorrect as well. I kept the make-up, but put my loser face on.

Still miserable, but at least, a little bit productive.

Damn you, Corine Magenta. <3

CEPHALOSPORINS.

A few days ago, I was endlessly scrolling through my social media feed, and I saw this one post whom my friend, Evit (sorry, I meant Dr. Evit John), shared via Funny Doctors. --and because I'm such a nice person (yeah right..), let me go ahead and share it with you.

Sad physician :(

While knowing about cephalosporins is only the tip of the iceberg of "what it takes to be a doctor", you really have to admit that it is pretty funny. I just hope that there wasn't a picture of a seemingly disheveled physician along what could have been a really funny meme.

..and then it hit me-- The word cephalosporins rings a few bells here and there. I know that it's an antibiotic. I know that antibiotics kill germs. I know that the whole cephalosporin family has a lot of babies whose names start with cef. I know a little bit here and there, but when it comes to stuff of actual relevance.. Damn it. I KNOW NOTHING. And I'm a senior. There's nothing scarier than that.  Okay, to be fair to my former Pharmacology professors (lab and lec) at my former school, I've learned about cephalosporins, but I could have forgotten all about them. See, this is what you get for passively reading printed PowerPoint slides rather than actively processing information and writing everything down. Children, don't be like me.

I could go on and on about how my attention span has decreased due to the millennial push-button culture, but really, I didn't open up a book (at CEU, where I took Pharmacology, we used this book by Holroyd-- I didn't like that very much) simply because I was lazy. I had a Pharmacology booklet close, so I opened that instead.

I think I could develop great fondness for this antibiotic. It has four major generations, and if you're into the social sciences like I secretly am, you'd be classifying these four generations as The Greatest Generation, the Baby Boomers, Gen X, and the Millennials-- only in your head, of course.

#TWINSIES. I have this affinity for twinsie-ing in a sense that I'm a huge fan of matching things with my friends. In that sense, I'm kind of like a cephalosporin. It has that twinsie thing going on with penicillin.

There's a key here-- a cephalosporin would have an R2 side chain.
Now what exactly an R2 side chain means or does, I really have no idea.

Okay, to a really smart person, the two could be really different, but to me, they're kind of like twinsies.. and one twin just happens to be loved more.

Cephalosporins are active against gram positive and gram negative bacteria, but I think I'm only going to remember Corynebacterium diptheria because it almost sounds like it has my name in it-- Corinebacterium. I remember once being treated with cephalosporins when I had a throat infection, so I guess that would help me remember pneumococcus and streptococci as well. Okay, so now I'll have to think of ways to not forget that it's also effective against E.coli, Proteus, Kelebsiella and Neisseiria.. Hmm.

I also like that all the cephalosporin babies have names that start with the letter C, which, for near-obvious reasons, is my favorite letter.

C is for Cephalosporin

..but really, the cephalosporin family is a clan on its own, I'm rolling my eyes just thinking about even learning all the babies' names. Hmm, maybe I'm just not meant to be a doctor. I should probably just be an astronaut.

Oh wait. I mentioned earlier that I'm into the social sciences too. In Psychology, there's this thing called the Gestalt Theory, which states that the whole is bigger than the sum of its parts. Taking that, I made a teeny tiny flashcard with a teeny tiny table of cephalosporins.

If anyone wants this as a PDF or a JPEG, there's a Hello chatbox at the right hand side of the screen. I can upload this on Google Drive, and you can download it from there.-- you just have to tell me if you want it.:)

I love every generation of you, cephalosporin or not.:)
Corinebacterium magenta

LOCKER.

I go back to school on the 27th. Whether it's a good or bad thing, I can't really decide. I like that I have so much time to rest and to do things that I actually like, but I really hate that I feel that my brain cells are starting to shrivel up, almost to the point that I actually feel myself getting stupider and stupider (ad infinitum) as the days go by. I like to think that I find fulfilment in many other things aside from clinical work, but I guess I can't escape the truth that it's seeing blood and digging up deposits that give that extra kick. I haven't even been feeling like putting on make-up (!!!).

I claim to despise school, and maybe I actually do. I hate having to wake up early in the morning, I hate having to put on an unflattering uniform, I hate having to attend a crowded* university (oh by the way, my definition of crowded has dramatically changed), but you know what-- I love Oral Surgery, I love Periodontology, I like Restorative Dentistry. The positive greatly outweighs the double negative.

For about three months now, I've been intermittently obsessing over where one of my hand pieces went. I don't mean to brag, but I have three-- one NSK standard, one NSK mini-head (which I lent to one of my seniors after hers broke down), and one Kaso Medical standard push-type. The last time I used my push-type was around August, and it just "disappeared" since. I've always known that it was just inside my locker, but it was just excruciatingly excellent at hiding from me. --but as my intermittent obsession kept bothering me at more frequent intervals, I decided that this would be the day that I'd actively look for it.

Yes, today was the day that I'd actually fix my locker.



My primary intention was to take a big bag of convention freebies and supplies to school. Once July comes around, it wouldn't be very easy for me to bring so much things to school anymore, so I figured I'd do so now while it's a little bit more convenient.

I also thought that now would be the best time to do my locker-fixin' while the college was pretty much empty and I wouldn't have little Pre-Dental and Pre-Clinical kiddies coming up to me asking how much I've spent on all my equipment and supplies-- Okay, don't get me wrong, I'm not some cold-hearted senior who discourages younger students from asking questions, but it gets tiring after having to hear that question over and over again.. and you know, sometimes, I'm just not up for conversations. I'm also very iffy about answering questions and talking about money in general, as it sometimes feels like an invasion of privacy.. Unless I'm talking to a Chinese person, then it's fine.

You know what, I realized something--
Dammit, I have so much pink.



I think you could understand why it was so easy for me to "misplace" my "missing" handpiece-- the case is black, and it pretty much just blends in to the whole locker black hole.

I'm really really not a good example of locker organization, so if I were to be completely honest, right after I've located my "missing" handpiece, I just gathered all my stuff, shoved everything inside my locker, and prayed to God that an avalanche of dental instruments wouldn't fall on me the second I open my locker on the 27th.



"Fixing" my locker did me some good-- I found a few things that mysteriously went "missing". Okay, now I don't need to buy myself another matrix band retainer, I don't need to buy myself another spool of silk suture thread, I don't need to buy myself another this, another that. I've also found that I have a few extras and a few reserves of consumables that would probably last me another semester. Seriously, I'm thinking of coming up with an actual locker inventory system, just so I don't have to erroneously buy multiples of this and that. I'm a senior now. Whether I like it or not, I need to get my s*** together.

While I had my mess scattered on the college hallway, the Dean passed by. He started talking to me about how my friend from UP came by earlier today (I actually knew about that), and well.. Let's just say that I learn more and more about dental education as a philosophy and student management the more I talk to the Dean. Oh well. We go to school to learn, I didn't think I'd learn even before the actual start of the semester.

Sooo.. That's it?


Corine Magenta

PS. MORAL OF THE STORY: Don't be like me!

Bright Pink Post-Its.

I can't believe it's been years since we've last spoken. Writing letters was my thing, bright pink Post-It notes were my thing, constant storytelling was my thing, and I guess.. Rising from the dead is now my thing too.

You probably remember me as a go-getter who strived really hard so that people would look up to me. While I made people happy, I didn't know that I was losing myself from seeking validation from tangible things. I've grown up to be someone who isn't afraid of making mistakes. While I used to live on admiration, this version of me simply does not care. I'm a free-spirited hippie now, yo.

I never thought I'd ever see you in a relationship and actually be happy for you. I want you to be each other’s forever, and it’s easy for me to feel this way because I know that you two are perfect for each other. I can't explain it, maybe it's because of the simple idea that when you see true love, you just know. You two? I just know.:)

I told myself that you'd be the last guy I'd refer to as Mr. Past, stating that the next time I develop real feelings for someone, I'd take care of it the best way I can. I promised myself that the next time I fall in love, it wouldn't let it implode in itself resulting to wreckage before beginning. The guy who came after you was nice, but even if he and I are romantically incompatible, he'll always be my best friend. The one who came after him brings about a completely different story.

I liked you for a very long time, but it was relatively easy to "get over" you when circumstances favored it. You actually put truth in the saying, "out of sight, out of mind". --but this other guy? I've only seen him in the flesh just once in my entire life (classic love at first sight), and not only has he been out of sight, he's also been out of continent for about two years now. Still, I think about him every now and then. 

There couldn't have been more of a cheesy epic 90s fail cliché setting for me to have met him. Right after a wedding, I stepped out of the church, and he was standing right there, pretty much looking like a dream. I whispered to God, "If I'm meant to meet him, I know You'll make a way.", and guess what, about four hours later, I actually did. I had a huge crush on him, you wouldn't even imagine all the things I did, almost to the level worthy of its own My Crazy Love episode. This self-directed episode played for probably a little more than a year, until it was pulled off the air right after I found out one very important detail about him. From someone else.

One of the last things I said to him was to the effect of, "I'll be happy to one day read about you and all the nice things you'd be doing, but if we happen to be walking along the same street, I'd cross, just to avoid you", but I think I can admit that I actually didn't mean that. Had I known what I know now, I would have actively decided to not like him, and I wouldn't currently be nursing these really distasteful feelings. I wouldn't have chopped off my long naturally-curly locks.

DAMMIT, HOW DO I BECOME LIKE YOU? I mean, look at you, look at how awesome your love life has turned out. I'm so happy for you, I'm so proud of you, and I'm just like.. Mr. Past has such an awesome love life. You have a beautiful-inside-and-out person whom you love, and whom I'm sure also loves you. You don't look like you even had to try so hard because things seem to have just fell perfectly in place. I want that for myself as well, but considering the feelings I'm trapped with for someone halfway around the world who has absolutely no idea that I still think about him, I feel so immobile.

I keep telling myself that God doesn't allow people to come in and out of our lives without imparting lessons that add value to us as people. Because of you, I have a better idea of what's for me, stemming from how we figure out what we actually want based on what we don't want. With him, it feels like a downhill-bound story with an open ending. I need that important lesson, I need that closure, or else I may be stuck for much longer. I don't want to be stuck. I want to be happy.

I wish it were as easy to get over him, as it was to have gotten over you.

Mouth Mirrors + Ergonomics :)

Okay, now I'm talking about dental instruments, and it's because I don't have new make-up to talk about-- oh wait, no, that's a lie, I actually have an unopened Tarte Tease Palette, but oh well, make-up isn't everything. At least not today. 

I had just purchased new mouth mirrors which I've actually grown very fond of, primarily because they're unlike the mouth mirrors I've had in the past. These are seriously my new lub lubs, but it's not just because they look cool.

Almost a year ago, my mentor, Dr. Brian Esporlas, made a research on the level of awareness of clinicians at my school with regards to ergonomics, along with a few other professors. It also happened to be an inter-institutional collaboration with DLSHSI. Even if the research uncovered so much about the significance of ergonomics, I never really took time to actually sit down and read about it-- until now. Oh, by the way, if you're a bit confused by the word ergonomics, it's defined as the applied science concerned with designing products and procedures for maximum efficiency and safety. Or something like that. 

At school, we're tasked to perform all sorts of procedures, and a mouth mirror is almost always an integral part of the whole armamentarium enchilada. According to the text I've read, "Mouth mirrors have been referred to as the most important, yet underutilized instruments within the dental practice", and true enough, there's no way I could disagree to that. During treatment, we hold mouth mirrors around 85% (or more!) or the time. For something that important for really important work, I could probably use better and more muscle-friendly instruments.

I really don't know where to start. Because of instruments getting lost or damaged every now and then, I tend to purchase mouth mirrors from different vendors, and because different vendors sell different models, not all my mouth mirrors are the same. Unfortunately, with different handle designs, it's quite difficult to have mouth mirrors of the exact same ergonomic values. I'm primarily quoting a file on SlideShare here, but I've recently learned that the goal of proper instrument selection is to reduce force exertion, while allowing for neutral joint positioning. 

I've yet to fully understand the ins and outs of dental instrumentation and ergonomics, but I've found handle texture and diameter rather interesting. There's a really good chance that I don't know what I'm talking about, so.. Yeah.

HANDLE TEXTURE

These aren't all my mouth mirrors-- I have a few more inside my locker at school. I have a thick criss-crossed hexagonal handled mirror,  really smooth-handled mirrors, half-smooth handled mirrors.. Well, yeah, but these are a few that I have lying around the house--

It's been said that knurled handles such as diamond-shaped, or crisscross patterns serve to reduce pinch grip force due to an increase in tactile sensation as a result of the knurl. I'm guessing that what this means is that knurls on handles will require less effort to hold the instrument. Thinking of application, I'm inclined to periodontal scalers and curettes, but I really think this holds true for mouth mirrors as well.

Okay, so let's talk about knurls. I know that knurl is such a cutesy word, but from what I've gathered, knurls are basically little projections.

One of my mouth mirrors has criss-crossed knurls, but only a few centimeters into the handle until it smoothens out the rest of the way.

I spent a good five minutes re-evaluating where along the handle do I actually hold the mirror, because if I hold it along the smooth area, then the criss-cross knurls would pretty much be.. Useless. 

I also have mouth mirrors with parallel grooves along the entire length of the handle. I'm somewhat curious as to why the criss-cross pattern is superior to parallel grooves.

The first one (criss-cross + smooth) is actually rounded, while this one is octagonal. Text says that a round handle, compared to a hexagonal handle will reduce muscle force and compression, but I do wonder, would the two extra sides in a very small area render the fact that it's a sided shape rather than a circle negligible?

Well, it's almost round, riiiight?

With so many conditions for proper instrument selection, I can't really say that my new chubby mouth mirrors are the best, because while they're of an acceptable diameter and have good diameters, their handles are hexagonal.

So maybe, just maybe, I've yet to find perfect mouth mirror handles. Hmm.

Oh my goodness, these mouth mirrors are just beautiful.

DIAMETER

It's really common for people to refer to thick instruments as mataba, which in Filipino literally translates to "fat" or "fatty"-- and I know it makes no sense, because pieces of metal do not contain lipids. Apparently, mataba instruments are actually good, becuase guidelines for handle diameters actually do exist.

As expected, my chubby mouth mirrors stand out with 9mm.:)

I was really confused when I read a bit that dental instrument diameters typically range from 5.6-11.5mm, but two of my mouth mirrors actually fall short. As stated by Dong in 2006, larger handle diameters reduce hand muscle load and pinch force, although diameters greater than 10mm have been shown to offer no additional advantage. This has seriously got me wondering-- with my 4.5mm and my 5mm diameter mouth mirrors, am excessively loading my muscles, by actually forcing them to exert more force? Damn it. I've been cruel to my body.

SO, WHAT NOW?

If you came here hoping for really intellectually-valuable insights on ergonomics, I'm really sorry to have disappointed, because in all honesty, I don't know anything. While being versed on ergonomics is totally possible, sometimes it's actually difficult to apply it in the clinics. Remember that I'm writing this from a student's perspective-- and as a student, I'm pretty much inclined to buying the cheapest and most readily-available instruments I can get my hands on, and sometimes, these "cheapest and most readily-available instruments" aren't the best, speaking from an ergonomic standpoint.

In the dental field, physical labor plays such a huge role in doing our stuff properly. Our instruments help us perform. The sad reality is that sometimes, these instruments that we greatly rely on also contribute to deterioration of our skills, especially when we start experiencing pain here and there. I'm lucky that I've yet to experience that, but I do know fellow students who actually have. Okay, so what do we do?

Maybe we can actually read up on ergonomics so that we can select our instruments better so we don't end up with twisted necks and arms by the time we graduate. Okay? Okay!

Corine Magenta